‘T was just this time I died
By Emily Dickinson
‘Twas just this time last year I died,
I know , I heard the corn,
When I was carried by the farms,--
It had the tassels on.
I thought how yellow it would look.
When Richard went to mill;
And then I wanted to get out
But something held my will
The thought that we could hear and feel after death is a provoking concept, unfortunately even if we could; according to Emily Dickinson we would be unwilling to do anything about it. So let’s say just for the sake of argument that death is final. For me, I would like to have, at my death a time of summation if you will. Recently I had the opportunity to hear my own last words and frankly my last breath was redundant and expected. Now having another chance at my last words I would like to do better this time.
Last week I came down with the flu and was very sick. After a couple of days I woke up and felt a little better I decided to go back to work, a typical bad choice .On Tuesday night I went to bed and could not sleep due to the pain in my chest and a difficulty in breathing. Rather than doing the smart thing and have Cyndy take me to the Doctor, I went downstairs to watch TV. The later it got the sicker I got and now I was downstairs and could not call loud enough to alert Cyndy. After sitting in my chair fighting for breath until five AM I crawled up the stairs, woke Cyndy and said call an ambulance.
While waiting for the ambulance I just knew that I was dying of congestive heart failure. At this point I said all those things that have to be said. I told Cyndy I loved her, I told her to tell the kids I love the them, I told her to not tell the grandkids if I suffered at the end and to look after my babies. After we got to the hospital and went through a battery of tests and treatment I didn’t die after all To tell the truth I felt quite stupid when I thought of my wasted last words. First telling her I loved her and the kids was foolish, of course they already know that. Secondly, and most of important, I have been married to Cyndy a long time and telling her to look after the babies is like telling a polititian to lie. Finally Cyndy will not do a thing I say even when I am here. How in hell do I expect to order her around after I am gone?
After serious thought I have decided that I will be better prepared the next time I say my last words. Preparing for your last words presents some difficult challenges not the least being the length of the final discourse. For instance it could be too long as it was for Genneral John Sedgwick, Union Commander,1864 “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist…… “. Or it could demand unattainable goals for the act of death “A King should die standing,”Louis 18th of France 1824”. This would be a great quote if he had died in battle but what if he died of dysintry. A King definiatly should die seated on the throne in such a case. There is always the danger of it being too short “what duck”.
Perhaps the most common phenomenon in last words is what I call prophetic last words. I will list a few that I found on the internet, I do not wish to plagerise but someone elses ideas are always better, don’t you think?
I am making a citizens arrest.
Are you sure the power is off?
Nice dog!
That’s odd?
It’s ok he’s hibernating!
The expirey date is just a suggestion.
I can make it!
I wonder where the mother bear is?
As you can see one of the most difficult challenges in last words is not so much the content but timing of the correct phrase. Unfortunatly we cannot all be as lucky as convicted killer James Rogers, who when asked as he faced the firing squad if he had any last requests replied “why yes, a bullet proof vest” (Too good an opportunity to pass up but hardly worth dying for.) However; for the most of us we will not having the benifitt of being sentenced to die at a pre determined time, suicide notwithstanding, so we if we want to be remembered by a bitingly witty last remark we have to do a little planning.
Is it possible to be prepared for the end? There are certainly a lot of variables to consider because of the very nature of death and its way of sneaking up on us. I believe that it is possible but not easy. Case in point, John Holmes brother of Oliver Wendell Holmes, John lay perfectly still for days until those at his side were sure he was gone. His nurse took his pulse and could find none. Just to be sure she checked his feet saying “nobody ever died with warm feet” With that John spoke “John Rogers did”. (John Rogers was a Protestant martyr who had been burned at the stake.
I suppose it is possible that John was playing possum, as he waited for the nurse {his straight man) to deem the time right to spring the plan on the unsuspecting family and friends around his deathbed. Did he lay there feighning coma fighting back the urge to laugh, thinking. ”damn her why doesn’t she say it? We should have had some kind of sign but what kind of a sign could a dead man give? O no I have to pee, hold….. hold…… hold……..”. Possible, but not very likely, I can only speculate that John was ready. If he can be ready so can I.
Knowing what you want is half the battle, so what do I want in my last words. Do I want something sarcastic that will make people say for years to come? He was an asshole to the very end! Or do I want something pithy? (That’s pithy as in cogent not pithy as in a lisp) Then people could say his wisdom was suspect to say the least. Maybe something sardonic, then people could say he never learned to take anything seriously. My head hurts (not anything to do with last words but how all this thinking makes me feel). Planning your last words I guess is impossible but preparing the tone of your last words is achievable.
To take in account ever possible scenario for ones death and planning the exact words one would utter then, is a task that I am not prepared to spend my time on. I am however willing to explore the options I have to make a more reasonable attempt at making my final words more palatable to those who hear them and kinder to my memory.
The best way to control what you say in any given situation is to always speak from your heart then if your heart is good, good things will come from it. In hopes of having more productive final words and more importantly being a better person I am going to learn how to: live like life is a gift, love without judgment nor reservation, forgive completely, laugh when I can, commit random kindness, speak softly, serve others, love Jesus and by these things store up good in my heart.
For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.
